A wise wizard once said, ‘Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic.’ With that in mind…

Good dawning to thee, friend,

I’m a smart lady, who likes nothing more than choir with the right person.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my helpful personality, closly followed by my smashing hands. I hope you will find my hands to be as special as new born kittens, and my abs as awesome as the first moon landing.

I work as a shopkeeper, helping women. This allows me to exercise my skills: painting and wielding weapons. My idol is George Bush. When I’m struggling with my job, I think of George Bush and feel inspired to continue. I once saw George Bush at a petrol station, so I feel we have a deep connection – almost spiritual, like the mist on an autumn day, or similar.

    My life goals include:

  • Recieve a telegram from an owl
  • Write a sonnet that captures your beauty
  • Become the best shopkeeper I can be
  • Help all the women in the world

If you’re the right person for me, you’ll be giving and helpful. You won’t be afraid to laugh and will have a healthy respect for danger.

My ideal date would involve choir in Cornwall with a sloppy person by my side. While we’re there, I write poetry about your curvaceous fingers under the light of the moon.

The right person’s smile will light up my day like somebody igniting a sparkler on a particularly stormy November 5th. Your curvaceous fingers will make me tremble like sitting on a park bench when a double decker bus rattles by.

And I’ll leave you with a quote from the one-and-only Harry Potter: “It seems as though I always knew I’d have to face him in the end.”